The Wrong Kind of Health Vial
by cheezburgerlover
Summary: Gordon attempts to find some health vials to heal an injury on the road to White Forest. In his pain and confusion, he chooses a quite different liquid for his wounds. Oneshot.


"Vital signs critical. Seek medical attention."

"Gordon, you should really get a health kit for that." Alyx stared at the burn marks on Gordon's face, which were the result of bad aim with the SMG grenade. Apparently, his HEV suit didn't nag him enough.

Gordon stopped the car by a small hut. "I-I'll watch the car." Alyx watched Gordon open the door to the small roadside shack and disappear inside.

--

The shack was split into a kitchen, a bathroom, and an empty room with a supply box in the middle. Gordon picked up the supply kit with his gravity gun and threw it against a wall. The wood splintered and three health vials fell to the ground.

He undid the cap and sloshed the liquid around for a bit until he poured one down his throat. He poured another one over his face and the third down his throat again. The burns became less of a pain. But another effect was noticeable. He felt much more...talkative. And a bit tipsy.

Since there was nothing more in the shack, he stepped out and got back in the car. "Man, it feels so good to not pop that bastard gnome back in this car every five seconds. I don't even know why I was carrying that piece of crap with me."

Alyx stared at Gordon. Gordon had picked up a ceramic garden gnome a while back and was carrying it with him. He never made it clear why he was carrying it or where he was carrying it. However, it seemed important so Alyx kept her mouth shut. Even when the gnome kept falling out of the car and Gordon stopped to pick it up, Alyx stayed quiet. A few minutes ago, Gordon just shot the gnome away with his gravity gun, most likely out of frustration.

"What are you thinking about? Looks like you just smoked something or some stuff like that. Come on, lets get this show on the road." Gordon interrupted her thoughts as he shifted the car into gear and continued down the windy road.

--

As the car rounded a turn, zombies were visible all over the road. Gordon gave the car a turbo boost and ran over many of the zombies.

"YEEEEAAAAH! EAT IT, ZOMBIE SCUM!" Gordon was clearly getting a kick out of this. As the car got through the zombie crowd, Gordon put the car into reverse.

"Gordon! What are you doing?" Alyx screamed.

"Wait, I didn't get all of them yet. WHOOO HOOO!" Gordon ran over another cluster of zombies. The top part of a zombine flew in through the front window and hit Alyx in the face. She screamed and threw the body off of her.

"Gordon! Stop the car now!"

"Not until these things are all dead!" Gordon ran over the two final zombies and let out a string of slurred insults concerning their mother. When he was done, he drove into a tree, effectively stopping the car.

"What is wrong with you, Gordon? That was-that was just so stupid! And why are you suddenly talking so much? That's so unlike you!"

"Ow, you're giving me a h-" At this point, Gordon leaned out of his car and threw up.

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"Look, just lemme drive and everything'll be okay as a bird. Now, how the hell do you move this stupid car?"

"Put the parking brake up."

"Ooh. Right. I'd have figured that out without you."

"Gordon, do you want me to drive or something?"

"NO! Women can't drive! Shut up and let me think!"

All of a sudden, something clicked in Alyx's mind. "Gordon, did you per chance mistake the health kits you found in the shack for alcohol?

After a few seconds of silence, Gordon spoke up. "No." He compulsively licked some liquid off of his face that he had poured there earlier.

Alyx ran a finger down his cheek and licked it. Her eyes went wide. "That's beer!"

At that point, Alyx jumped out of the car, walked around to the other side, yanked the drunken Gordon out of the driver's seat and hopped in.

"Aw, c'mon, health kits and beers are both green bottles! Gimme a break!"

Alyx would have none of it. She put the car into gear, backed up, and drove away like a seasoned professional.

"Ah, nuts." Gordon stood up and stumbled over to a dead zombie leaning against a rock. After rocking back and forth awkwardly for a few seconds, he said, "H-hey. Buy you a drink?"

_**This was written on a whim like many of my oneshots. I realized I had been focusing on my chaptered stories and consequently took a break by writing this.**_

_**For those of you who don't know, an achievement is unlocked when you take a garden gnome you find in the beginning of the level and put it in the rocket you launch at the end of the level. I stopped trying to achieve the achievement because the gnome kept falling out of the car. **_


End file.
